Returning to Onagawa

March 26, 2011

Off to Sendai where my sister lives tomorrow (Sunday) on March 27, 2011.
Then on the following day of March 28, I am going to Onagawa with my sister and her husband.

It is not “Going to Onagawa”, but instead “Returning to Onagawa” because it’s my hometown.  Even though my parents’ house is gone, it is still my home town.
People fostered me in the town are still there even though my parents are gone.
I want to cheer them up and express my gratitude by thanking for their survival.”

A telephone call from my old neighbor who married to a man in Sendai goes like this, “The way the town went was much more devastating than what was shown in the newspaper or on TV.  I cried and cried.  Be ready to face it.”

What is to “face?”
I feel like that I understand it and at the same time I don’t know what she meant.

I wonder my hometown would be unfriendly to me.  Would it not be warm like before?
Would I feel like that I am betrayed?  I know how badly Onagawa was destroyed and how the condition of my parent’s house is from many pictures I have seen.  Would it be so different if I were to see with my own eyes?

I have already come to terms with fate of my parents.
Ten days ago, my sister met with various people and heard about my parents at the time of the earthquake.  At that time, I learned that there was hardly any possibility of them living.

I was unable to make up my mind on how I should tell this to others.  I myself did not want to accept this fact.  Unlike my case, there are many people who cannot contact their families and love ones who are living.  I did not want to deprive them of hope.  So I could not write about my parents’ fate in this blog.
On the first day that I came to realization, I cried and cried, and then had a talk with my husband.
Will my parents be pleased that I quit my job and just keep on crying?
I am healthy.  My parents would be disappointed in me if I don’t do anything.  I remember my parents used to say, “Parents are to pass away before children, get hold on yourself and be self-reliant.”
Is it better that I pray for their definite path to heaven instead of mourning that they disappeared in the cold ocean?

While I was contemplating many things, I was able to make up my mind about my profession.  I have decided that I will make living as a photographer for the rest of my life.  I was relieved a little as I was able to organize my thought.

I learned that courage of accepting a situation and letting it go is necessary in some cases.
After all, I want my parents to see me, as a strong individual for sure, if possible and want them to feel relieved soon.
They were happy with my wonderful wedding and must have been very pleased with the fact that I am married happily ever.

Two weeks have passed since the tsunami.
Now, I have a major task of looking for their bodies.
Honestly, this is even harder.